Make it clear.  Make it appealing.  Do it fast.  Link it to the behavior you want to reward…

I have broken my own rules (Ugh!) by not quickly posting an insightful entry following the single non-spam comment I have received since starting my blog, a comment asking me to talk about reward systems.  I wish I could turn back the clock, follow my own advice to immediately reward the one engaged reader I have.  I hope she’s still out there…

Behavior that is rewarded increases – one of the basic tenants of Learning Theory.  Really, it’s as simple as that.  Identify the behaviors you want to see more of, and reward them.  The tricky part, of course, is to (1) identify behaviors in language that is specific and clear, (2) elicit your child’s interest in the system, and (3) work in small enough steps that your child is bound to succeed.

(1) Identify behaviors in clear, specific language.  Word goals in the positive (‘keep your hands to yourself’), highlighting what you want your child to do.  Target specific behaviors (skills), rather than outcomes.  Let’s say you want your child to stop biting her nails.  Don’t harp on her to stop biting and don’t promise a manicure once her nails are long (unlikely to work).  Instead, find behaviors incompatible with nail biting, behaviors that meet your child’s needs in a healthier way (using a fiddle toy, blocking access to her nails, finding other outlets for stress, etc.), then design a reward system around the use of these skills.  A manicure might still be the carrot, but allow your daughter to earn it by using new skills, which may or may not coincide with having longer nails (after all, one nibbling spree can cancel out all her hard work).  Teach and reward specific, measurable behaviors.

(2) Elicit your child’s interest.  Kids do best with a combination of internal and external rewards.  You are managing the external rewards, but can make sure your child recognizes the internal rewards, as well.  Point out the various ways life will be better when your child succeeds with the behavior plan (less yelling, more time, etc.).  Underline his sense of pride.  Be creative with the carrots (external rewards) you are dangling.  Activity- and privelege-rewards are appealing to kids: one-on-one time with a parent, family activities, special time with a friend, getting a pass on a hated chore – all make for good rewards.  Make the system itself fun.  Design a colorful chart, or use a jar, filling it with one marble at a time as your child succeeds with the targeted behavior.  Once your child has earned a reward, let him have it as soon as possible.  Kids ages 5 and older enjoy the immediate gratification of a check-mark (or marble) followed by a larger (delayed) reward for accumulated checks/marbles.  

(3) Keep expectations within your child’s reach.  With reasonable effort, your child should be able to earn rewards fairly quickly.  Complex behaviors can be broken into parts in a process known as shaping.  If, for example, you want your child to get ready for school without theatrics (refusal to get out of bed, angst about what to wear, need for multiple reminders about teeth, glacial-paced breakfast, etc.), you might start by re-vamping the wake-up plan, rewarding your child for setting her alarm and responding to it on her own.  Then you might move to getting dressed, perhaps rewarding your child for laying out her clothes the night before and putting them on fuss-free.  Identify and reward specific behaviors until they are firmly in place, gradually building on these behaviors with closer approximations to your goal.  Older/more motivated kids can handle several new behaviors at once.  Younger/less motivated kids do better with one behavior at a time.  Both benefit from clarity.  Many a reward system has crashed and burned by targeting too many behaviors at once or (even worse) failing to define target behaviors (e.g., ‘being good’ is not a target behavior).

Reward systems need to extend over time.  It takes at least 3 weeks for new behaviors to become routine, so plan on following the reward system for a month or more.  Tweak it slightly as you go, varying the prize (to keep interest high) and possibly modifying what your child needs to do to earn it (moving, for example, from 5 points to 1o points to 15).  If your child is not earning points, or is earning points without changes in behavior, re-examine your system.  Are the behaviors you are striving for clear enough?  Do you need to break them down into smaller parts?  Keep the system simple and clear.  You can add new, more sophisticated behaviors as your child masters the initial targets.

Next time, a twist on rewards: using a jar system to extinguish unwanted behavior.