Most of us tell our children to ignore their siblings when something annoying is going on.  How often do children actually follow this sage advice?  Not so much, right?

Why is that?  Teasing provokes strong feelings, which can be hard to keep in check.  And face it, it’s hard to ignore all those pesky, annoying, rude things brothers and sisters do.  But ignoring is important AND it works, as long as your kids do it right.  You can teach them how.

First, explain to your children that when their siblings are bossy or mean or rude, they are looking for a reaction.  When you (the target child) respond in a bothered way, you are rewarding them by giving them exactly what they want, increasing the chances that they’ll do it again (and again, and again).

So while it might be tempting to yell at your siblings when they are bothering you, it’s actually a major mistake.  It’s like you’re a fish and they’re throwing you a big juicy worm.  Don’t bite!  Swim away, instead.

At which point any self-respecting child will say, “What the heck does that mean?”

It means ignore them.  Either physically or mentally.  Keep your mouth shut (you don’t want a mouthful of worm), and turn away.  Not with theatrics (that would be rewarding), but calmly. 

Walk away, literally.  And if you can’t, find someplace to go in your mind.  Replay your last soccer game.  Tune in your brain to an episode of your favorite TV show.  Count backwards from 50.  There are plenty of things to do.

That’s the basic version of ignoring.

More sophisticated kids (ages 7 and up) can also be taught to ignore with a twist.  With regular ignoring, you completely tune out your brother or sister.  Or walk away from them.  When you ignore with a twist, you continue to interact, pretending that whatever your brother or sister is doing isn’t bothering you.

What would this look like?  Well, it might take the form of distraction.

Example:

Child 1: Saying sibling’s name over and over again, trying to get their goat.

Child 2: Hey, let’s see if Mom will let us build a fort in the living room.

Or agreement.

Example:

Child 1: You stink at baseball.

Child 2: I know!  It’s really embarrassing.

Or deflection by way of a joke.

Child 1:  Hey, chipmunk cheeks!

Child 2: [puffs out cheeks in an exaggerated way, googly-eyes, smile]

Kids who ignore with a twist quickly discover that distracting brothers and sisters, agreeing with them, or laughing off what they have said, works well.  Especially if they use a regular voice, or act wacky when they make the joke. 

Ignoring with a twist takes brothers and sisters by surprise.  It’s a way of shrugging off the annoying parts of teasing, rather than shining a spotlight on them.

Do you have a child skilled at deflecting the jabs and barbs of siblings?  If not, practice these skills, which are effective not only with siblings, but also classmates, neighbors, and friends.