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Managing Sensory Challenges

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Keeping Socks On…And Other Sensory Challenges

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

Do you have one of those kids who rip off their socks, turn them inside out, and rip them off again?  Who react to any hint of a label, and cannot wear jeans?  Some kids have sensory sensitivities.  Things in the environment bother these kids.  A lot. 

There are a number of excellent books explaining sensory challenges and pointing parents toward solutions (for example The Out of Sync Child and Sensational Kids).  If you have a sensory-sensitive child, you might want to pick one of them up.  In the meantime, here are two strategies to make clothing battles a thing of the past – one is for you and one is to teach to your child:

(For you) Get rid of the blue jeans.  As much as you might love the way he looks in blue jeans, button-down shirts, corduroys, clothing with fancy stitching – some makes/fabrics/styles are simply more difficult for kids with sensory sensitivities to wear.  Go through your child’s drawers and clear out the items you know are really tough.  The clothes made of stiff fabric, with lumpy seams or tight necklines.  Think soft, non-constricting, tag-less (what a great invention, those stamped-on clothing labels!).  If your child likes a certain style of sweatpants, get 3 or 4 pairs.  Ditto for socks, shirts, underwear.  Put all the clothing your child is never going to wear (the worst offenders, the things you can sort-of understand him reacting to) into a bag and bring it to Goodwill.  Or give it to the neighbor who just had a baby.  Get this clothing out of your house – its continued presence is only going to frustrate you (and your child).

Once you’ve pared down to (or stocked up on) the things that should work for your child, teach him to habituate.  Here’s how:

(Many thanks to Tamar Chansky, PhD, in whose wonderful book, Freeing Your Child From Anxiety, I first discovered this metaphor)

Talk to your child about jumping into a swimming pool.  Have him imagine what the water feels like – Brrrrrrr!  It’s cold.  Ask your child what he would do next.  Most kids say something along the lines of “start moving around.”  Yes, you start swimming or playing, diving deep beneath the surface or paddling from one end of the pool to the other and after a while, what do you notice?  Most kids can tell you, “It warms up.”  Ahhh.  But is it the pool that’s warmed up?  Has the water temperature actually changed?  “No,” any self-respecting 6-year can tell you, “You get used to it!”  Exactly.

Our bodies are designed to get used to things, even uncomfortable things – like cold water.  We just need to hang in there, and pretty soon, we don’t notice the cold any more.  It happens even faster if we’re doing something fun, liking racing to the end of the pool or diving for treasure.  But you have to stay in the pool.

It’s like that with socks (or underwear, or shirts, or pants), too.  We can put them on (that’s like jumping into the pool) and keep them on (that’s like staying in, even though - ICK – they don’t feel right) and go get busy with something else (playing with the dog or eating breakfast or watching TV) and pretty soon…you’ve gotten used to it and your body doesn’t notice the seam/cuff/fabric any more.

The pool analogy makes keeping the item of clothing on (to habituate to it) more palatable to kids.  Most have had the experience of getting used to cold water.  They know the basics – you have to stay in; you have to start moving around, turn your attention to something else.  Talk to your child about this, then sweeten the pot by offering a reward: each day your child puts on his [whatever item of clothing causes trouble] and keeps it on, puts it on and immediately leaves the room to get busy with something else for at least 20 minutes (ample time for most kids to acclimate), he earns a point.  Once he has 10 points, he can trade them in for a trip to the bookstore, one-on-one time with Dad, a family-wide Monopoly night, something meaningful/rewarding to your child.

The idea is to take into account the reality of your child’s sensitivity AND to teach him a useable skill.  Has anyone tried this with their sensory-challenged kids?  How did it work?

Posted in Keeping Socks On, Managing Sensory Challenges, Managing Strong Feelings | 3 Responses »

Why Breathing Doesn’t Work…and How to Tweak It So It Does

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

We all do it.  When faced with a panicky child, our most common piece of advice is, “Take a breath.”  And then one of two things happen: 

Compliant child: Opens mouth to sob in more air, only to find her chest is too constricted so not much goes in, which is so scary, escalating the panic as she wails – I CAN’T BREATHE!

Less compliant child: THAT DOESN’T HELP (and she’s right)

It doesn’t help to simply tell our kids to take a breath.  When they are already hyperventilating (or close to it), they can’t breathe effectively, which only serves to escalate their fear.  And when it’s the first thing we say, it feels (to a frantic 5-year old, 7-year old, 9-year old) hopelessly inadequate.

Think about the last time you were really worked up.  How would you have responded if someone met your sobbing (ranting, panicking, clenching) by telling you to breathe?  “I am breathing, damn it!”  It doesn’t really help.

And yet, it does.  Not telling someone to breathe, but the act of breathing.  When we are worked up (frightened, angry, tense) our breathing changes.  It becomes more shallow, less restorative.  We begin to starve ourselves of air, throwing off the balance of oxygen and CO2, making it harder to remain calm, to think, to figure out how to help ourselves.  We need to breathe to restore our inner stasis, and kids do, too.  Here’s how to help them do it:

  1. Start with an out-breath.  When chest muscles are tight (which happens as our feelings escalate), it is hard to breathe in.  Not being able to breathe in is scary, triggering a danger alarm deep within the brain, adding to that sense of panic already spiraling out of control.  Coach your child to breathe out, first.  Purse your lips a little and do it with her, blowing the air out like you would blow to extinguish a candle.
  2. Do it with your child.  Even before you start speaking, blow out some air.  That’s a cue for your child, a nonverbal reminder to exhale.  Keep your breathing nice and slow.  Focus initially on the out-breaths, making them long, with shorter intakes through your nose in between.  Gradually lengthen your own in-breaths, so you are breathing in deeply (through your nose) and breathing out long and steady (through your mouth).  People have a natural inclination to match the pace and emotional pitch of their companions.  You are consciously bringing yours down, to help your child begin to de-escalate, too.
  3. After your first out-breath, say something empathic.  Reflect what you are seeing, or put your child’s feelings into words in a calm, steady voice.  Something like, “Wow, that seemed scary” or “You are really mad right now.”  Keep all judgment out of your tone.  You are letting your child know that you get it.  You see what your child is feeling and whatever it is, it’s okay.
  4. After that first, supportive comment, say something along the lines of “blow it out” or “let’s work on making your body feel okay so we can figure out what to do.”  Breathe as directed above, setting the pace, modeling for your child, letting your calm presence soothe her.
  5. Resist the temptation to jump in with lots of words.  Questions, admonishments, threats – all of these are disorganizing to kids when they are already in a heightened state.  Practice what Dr. Teresa Bolick has described as “Low and Slow” (from Aspergers Disorder and Young Children), bringing the pace, tone, volume, and complexity of your speech down a few notches.
  6. All of this will work substantially better if you practice breathing with your child ahead of time.  Start with a simple explanation: You know, when we get worked up it’s hard to think clearly.  We need to calm down before we can figure out what to do.  Making sure we’re breathing nice and slow can help us calm down.  Let’s practice so the next time we’re super-mad or really scared (or whatever feeling your child tends to have trouble with), we know just what to do.  Then aim for two or three brief practice sessions a day (we’re talking minutes here – in the car, before bed, etc.).  Simply prompt with, “Let’s do a few of those breaths.”  And you do it, too.
  7. Some kids respond better when there is a visual component.  Have them imagine a smell to breathe in – brownies, sun tan lotion, horses.  They can picture the object and sniff in the scent, pulling it into their nostrils. 

Have you found a way to coach your child to breathe?  A visualization or relaxation exercise that works?  Feel free to share it here.

Posted in Breathing, Managing Sensory Challenges, Managing Strong Feelings, Relaxation | 1 Response »